A Mothers guilt

Or a Fathers. I'm not being sexist.

 

It starts from the moment you pee on that stick doesn't it? (Dads this doesn't apply to you, I hope)

This week its been feeding methods. I've managed to breast feed exclusively now for 6months. I'm particularly proud of this because I haven't done it before, and also the obstacles we've had along the way – prematurity, scbu, illness, active letdown, over supply, tongue tie. More recently after my dad died suddenly my supply dwindled massively, but with help along the way I've got there.

 

We started baby led weaning (blw) and that's going well, but I'm finding that when Bella isn't feeding from me, I'm pumping to get a good supply up in my freezer so I can have the odd few hours off, or more importantly for when I go back to work. However I'm not getting good amounts and what I am getting is taking ages. So I've made the decision to mix feed now. So why do I feel so bad? I'm hardly feeding her poison am I?!

It was suggested to me we use formula rather than cows milk so I went out and bought a carton the other night. After I'd picked myself up off the floor at the price, I headed home and made up a bottle with a heavy feeling inside. I suppose I feel like this as maybe it'll be the beginning of the end of our special feeding relationship and I've loved feeding her and watching her grow from a little scrap to the size she is now, knowing that's all down to me. So probably I feel this way selfishly, but still.

 

She hates taking from a bottle so in one way I'm feeling a little smug, the other hand I'm panicking about going back to work in a months time and leaving her in her dads capable hands, yet not knowing whether she's coming or going. So for now were just trying her a few times a day on a bottle of EBM, or the odd ounce of formula. If I didn't have to go back to work I'd happily feed her from me until she's ready to give up.

 

But still, such is life. I suppose if I didn't feel guilty about this it'd be something else right?

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “A Mothers guilt

  1. Relax Mama! You are doing what is best for your baby! I went back to work at 3-4 months with each of my three children. I hated (hated, hated) pumping. With a passion. But then it was over. I continue to nurse my 29 month-old. Much (much, much) longer than I thought I would. Hang in there mama! Drop the guilt. You got this 🙂 Loved your post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s