This isn't some gushy post about how much I adore my children. Honest. I was just musing today about how drastically my life and views have changed since October 2012, when Bella was born.
In general I'd say over the last few years I've changed slowly. Don't we all? My midwifery training has a lot to thank for that, and in a good way. Mostly. Life experiences though have taught me the most. I'm it sure if I've mentioned before but Bella got really ill when she was 22 days old. I thought she was going to die, and since then I've subconsciously reassessed many things, and my outlook is very different. This baby has made me very thankful for all I have, and she has taught me how to be a much more patient person. I want to spend as much time as I can with her, and often I just sit and watch her and observe. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with how I've made this little perfect squidgy baby, who has made both me and her dad better people, better parents and better for each other. I don't really like going out anymore, instead I prefer spending my spare time with my family. I'm sure ill start getting out more one day, but right now I'm comforted by being with them. They're all I need.
On top of this after my dad died recently it hit home even more how precious time is, and to be thankful for what you've got. I am by no means perfect, I still get cross at my kids and sometimes shout, I have bad days. Don't we all?
Sometimes I get cross, mainly on Facebook. You get folk who are blatantly materialistic and come across as only happy surrounded by possessions. I sometimes wonder how they'd be if you stripped all of that back, how would they be? Would they be any different to me if they lost a parent, or had a awful experience with their child? Would they appreciate life for what it is a little bit more. Then you get the odd person who constantly moans about how bored they are, how shit their life is. I want to sometimes shake these people, tell them to be grateful. Sometimes I think I need to step away from Facebook itself! But you know what, I love it. Online curtain twitching at its best. Plus my family live far away and its our way of connecting. Its been a great tool and source of comfort since my dad died. I may not post on fb about how I'm feeling but I get a lot of private messages and they're a good source of comfort.
I always think of someone worse off than myself, and when I'm having a bad day give myself a talking to. I think other people should do this more. Be grateful, live your life and most of all love your life and be kind. You never know what's around the corner.