I had a conversation briefly when I was out the other day, I was in a shop with the baby womb fruit and someone remarked what a happy baby she was, and that I was 'lucky' she was happy! Now I don't know why but this really freaking irked me.
Well I think I do actually, Ive decided to parent my baby in a certain way that others may not like, or do themselves. I'm all for letting your baby do what they feel comfortable doing, as in if they want a cuddle then getting one. Ill feed them when they're hungry and generally go by what she wants. I'm not one that thinks Feed times are having to be exactly 3 or 4 hours apart, god help the routine of the baby wants feeding sooner! can you imagine going 3-4 hours without a sip of water or food?
I hate controlled crying. There's nothing controlled about it at all, its horrible for a baby (Im talking of babies only here at the moment) as they do not know or have the mental capacity to understand why they've been left, and that someone is there. It makes them feel insecure, and here's the nugget – they don't learn after a few days / weeks. Nope, they simply give up. They know no ones coming so they don't bother crying anymore. That's a true, sad fact right there. I've got strong feelings on trying to get young babies into routines, they can't be programmed. Lets not tlk about Gina Ford. They're not robots.
Its natural for a baby to wake frequently during the night, its natures way of keeping them safe from sudden infant death syndrome. I parent in a 'baby led' way, and because of it I've got a happy baby, and a happy me because I'm not concerned about routines, bed times and what she should and shouldn't be doing – all that can come later! So I've tuned into my baby and what she wants and as a result I'm told I'm lucky? Nope. I just give her what she wants, why is that so bad to some parents? I find that some folk just want a baby to slot into their lives and fight with this routine. Yet I have also had comments of I'm making a rod for my own back picking her up all the time, ill never be able to put her down. Guess what? She's 9 months old, she's content and if I'm picking her up its because I want to, or she wants to.
Plus you know what? Sometimes (and I had this with my first a bit) you spend the whole baby days wishing time away, can't wait for them to eat, can't wait for walking, lets get a routine, don't let them sleep in your bed, that the next thing they're starting school and you wished you spent less time worrying about routines and what the baby books say, and sat and cuddled them more enjoying the present moment.
So this leads me to a bit of the nature v nurture thing. Am I lucky or is my way of parenting moulded my children's personality? I'm divided. I don't believe that we are born a certain way. I believe maybe we have traits, but I believe more that the way we treat our children, and what we teach them builds their personality.
What about murderers? We're they born that way? Or was their childhood or other experiences that made them do a crime?
I was talking to a friend about being 'lucky' with our children a while ago, and she was telling me how her sisters well behaved children were out with another family one day and the other mum made a remark on how lucky she was that her children were well behaved. Quite rightly so she was pissed off, and so would I be. Its actually hard work teaching your children right from wrong sometimes, and it pisses me off that people say someone's lucky. Letting your children run like wild animals, or have zero social skills may seem like an easy option in the short term but long term you do them, and yourself no favours.
As per usual this blog post has gone off on a tangent 🙂 I write as I think, it sometimes makes sense, sometimes not!
Here's some good links to Facebook pages. Parenting ones. Take a peek.