So last week Bella decided that she no longer wanted to feed from her Mumma. I knew it was coming as for the last few weeks she's fussed and not really wanted to feed like she used to. But still I was quite upset when she completely stopped asking, and when offered turned the cheek.
I always planned on feeding her for at least 6 weeks. She was so fragile and vulnerable still at 6 weeks that there was no way I was going to stop and give her milk from an animal or formula. That would just be crazy when I was able to give her milk made just for her. So we kept going and she turned into a strong healthy and happy little girl. I enjoyed feeding her a lot. In the early days we had several issues. Reflux and colic made some very tense even evenings when all she would do is scream, it was horrendous. Lots of googling and mothers instinct pointed me towards her having a tongue tie, which was released at 9 weeks. I spent lots of time on kellymom looking at over supply, and fast letdown symptoms which fitted also with our problems.
After this though things calmed down, and we flew with the feeding. I hear lots of mums moaning about being tired after a baby, its completely normal that a baby wakes during the night and its natures way of keeping them safe plus they need feeding. Completely natural. I had a very hungry baby most nights, I silent hour upon hour lay there with this gorgeous wee baby nuzzled up to me feeding. Yes I was tired, but I never minded. I was grateful to have her, and all she was doing was feeding and growing and this time during the night, uninterrupted was actual bliss. I loved it. I didn't want her to rush and start sleeping through, I wanted to relish it all. We bonded lots during those nights.
As she got bigger and feeds became less, I was a little glad of my new found freedom. I was able to go places without her and not worry about feeds so much. In the early days though she came everywhere for me, even functions. It was both of us or none of us.
I'm missing it already, if I could do it all again I would. I feel a sad but she has weaned herself on her own, with no pressure or coaxing from me. So that of course I am pleased about. I'm also proud of myself, I've done it for over a year. After thinking I couldn't, I defied my own doubts, ignored the raised eyebrows and did what felt the most natural to me in the world.
I very much doubt I will have another baby. In fact I'm pretty sure I won't. Sniff. So there.
My milk bar is all closed.