A ramble about my blog

I started this blog to air my feelings on clean eating and a bit of life, but its ended up being less about clean eating and more about my life. You know writing things down really helps me rationalise, and I wear my heart on my sleeve for the most part so sharing my feelings isn't something I'm afraid to do. Its actually quite therapeutic this blogging.

So recently my life has been taken up by preparing my routine with going back to work. I'm a midwife and will be working shifts. I'm mainly doing nights and weekend shifts so I can still spend time with the baby as she is so young still and I really don't want to leave her yet. She's cutting her first tooth and don't we know about it 🙂 she's a snotty, weepy eyed mess this weekend. I hated leaving her to come to work. She's in safe hands though with her daddy. The other kids are keeping me even busier, Jenson turned 11 last week. How have I got an 11 year old? It seems unreal, and I haven't broken him yet! I'm joking of course. I just sometimes wondered what sort of mum I'd be. He's a lovely lad. So kind and thoughtful. He's in year 6 and going to high school in September. Gulp. Him and his little sister Kooks have such a love hate relationship. The other day we were walking back from school and he told me she'd been told off that day. She snapped back that he'd 'dobbed her in' and he explained that she was talking during assembly so he told on her. Snort. I said to him that was a bit mean, I won't tell you what she said 🙂 however he carefully explained (with full hand gesticulating) that he is a year 6 monitor and he can't be seen to show favouritism and actually, if she was naughty then tough. All the while I walked behind them smirking as she was getting more irate and listening to them was funny, He's got a point though hasn't he?

My other half (Miller as we call him) was asking me the other night what I write on here and I told him any old rubbish really. He said 'oh I bet you never mention me'. Which I probably don't actually, but should as he's been pretty amazing recently. He's good at the best of times, but since my dad died he's stepped up a notch. You know he might not do big grand gestures like buy me 12 roses every Monday, he might not appear affectionate and tactile. But you know, he's loyal, caring and looks after me well in so many other ways. He doesn't complain much. He will work 12 hours, come home and help load the dishwasher, sweep up and doesn't moan once. He baths the kids every night, does the homework duties. He's a very hands on dad. I am lucky, I know this. We've had lots of hard times, and I'm sure people have said we won't last. I'd like to see other couples still as strong as us after some of the things we've been through. Strip everything away from our relationship – money, meals out, superficial and materialistic things and were still good. We've been to the bottom, we've got back up, dusted ourselves off and are still here. The reason I don't plaster all over Facebook how much I love him, and appreciate him is because I don't need to. He knows these things, I tell him. To his face. I don't need to write it on any social media sites to prove it. I'm very dubious about those that do if I'm honest.

In other news, I'm going on holiday in 2 weeks. With the family of course. We're off to Egypt, have been before, love it there. I'm getting my usual Pre holiday panic though. Flying is one, but more so I get the panic about my kids being abducted. Yeah I'm neurotic but since the whole Madeleine McCann thing, I'm a wreck in the lead up, and first day or so until I relax. I see trouble everywhere me, even when it isn't there.

So that's it for now. A ramble about not very much at all 🙂



The perfect parent?

Sometimes I sit and think about what I've done that day with the kids. Have they been fed ok? Have I done enough with them? Have they been outdoors enough? Should I be letting my 7 year old out on her bike? Is it safe? We haven't taken them on a proper kids day out in ages, quick call social services!

Its never ending isn't it? Guilt, worry, the lot. I tend to feed my kids a good 3 meals a day. They have a bit of junk or take away at the weekend if we're out or I can't be bothered to cook. I always feel guilty about this. for about 3 minutes then I have a word. With myself. Seriously my kids are in good shape, they're healthy, they have zero fillings or dental problems, they are active. That bit of weekend junk isn't doing them any harm. I make good lunchboxes, they sometimes have crisps, sometimes a biscuit. I make lunchboxes interesting, they get involved, they enjoy it. One time, when my oldest started school we had a very patronising letter home about not putting chocolate bars into the lunch boxes as it can make the children hyper. I was fuming. I don't need nutritional advice from a head teacher who isn't the picture of health herself. Then my son told me that a boy in his class has choc spread sandwiches, chocolate mousse, and a chocolate bar. Now come on, have a word with those parents.

Anyway. The going out thing. We live in a small village, small housing estate. We've always been quite strict with playing out I suppose, although my oldest has been going out since he was 8, and is quite sensible. The girl child suddenly wants to play out. I feel uneasy about it, but I have to let go right? She's needing it, our garden is tiny. So I let her out, she's happy but I'm like a cat on hot bricks!

Then I think back then I was a kid. When I was her age I was riding around the countryside with my friends and only coming back for dinner! We made swings over the brook, and knocked on doors around the back lanes asking old folk if they wanted jobs doing for 50p. Mum worked on the land, we'd go with her, eat unripe apples from the trees, go on long walks across the fruit farms and come back for lunch at 1pm. We loved it. I remember my mum, and other mums from the estate letting us take the babies for walks around the village, I was 8, as my sister was 1. The other babies were of same age. I can't imagine letting Kooks take Bella off for a walk, I'd have a heart attack!

I ate whatever was in the house, mum was (is) a great cook and made us wholesome meals, she used lard to cook. Quite often she'd make us a curry later on at nighttime with poppadoms. We were all healthy, always have been active and fit.

I worry I don't do enough homework with them. I don't have great patience, although I like them reading to me. Maths? Ha ha ha. Despite my job, I'm pants at it. That's Millers job. He does the maths. I do reading. But I do worry I don't do enough. Then I think back to my childhood. We never took books home. Homework was something we got at high school. Admittedly I didn't do great st school, but I got a degree at 31. A first class one too. Kerching.

Yes that was a boast. But for someone who was working in a factory at 17, I ain't done too bad.

So why do we feel so much pressure to be the perfect parent? One of my theories is Facebook. You get constant updates from some mums about how many activities they've carried out with young Johhny today. Or the ones about how ace little Archie is at maths. Archie is 6 months.

Get my drift. Funnily enough I find that sometimes the kids who appear to have busy social lives on Facebook, tend to be the ones with little manners. I could go on all day about that, but won't.

So what is the perfect parent? I can tell you it isn't me. I make mistakes, I shout, I let them stay up late, I sometimes swear in front of them (I am working on this as its my downfall). However my kids are happy, they're confident, they're happy to get up in the morning and leave me to get a few more much needed minutes of sleep with the teething baby, they make their breakfast, the oldest makes me a cup of green tea. They do ok at school, they're helpful, they're happy to walk in school from the car park if I've still got my PJs on and no make up (blame the teething baby again), they're polite. I can't ask for more.

Perfect parent? There isn't one.